Blessed Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus

Jesus H. Christ - can you please stop following me all over the place...and your mom too!

I reside in a neighborhood that is eerily dittoed throughout metro Boston. It’s a mix of middle class and blue collared folk with lots of duplex’s and single family bungalows (not many triple deckers though) - there are also a few decent Victorians and some old Colonial homes scattered about. These communities are prominent in West Roxbury, Quincy, Dedham, Medford, Watertown, Revere and just about every other outlying town. The neighborhoods are not overly gentrified - most likely because they are not on a major T-stop, adjacent to a trendy shopping district or near a major campus. These neighborhoods have lots of “Spas” - the kind that sell butts, Coke and Keno. Ahhh…the lifeblood of my ‘hood. Quite a few Grand Marquis are parked on the streets around here. But the main thing they all share in common is our Sweet Mary Mother of Jesus...

Those crazy Catholics sure have left their mark. These statues exist here as lost religious relics of simpler and holier times. I’m guessing that people looked at priests and the church a little differently back then. Of the dozens that I’ve spotted in my neighborhood it doesn’t seem like any of them are under 25 years old, and many of them must be from the 1970’s or earlier.

  

Little Miss Mary does have others in her flock, usually dudes in robes and shit. Occasionally the big guy even makes an appearance on the scene…

 

At times it’s not Mary or Jesus at all. Other forms of lawn expressionism include the jockey (white), angels, gargoyles, the glass globe, monks, donkey’s and the Buddha…but not a single garden gnome!?!?  What’s up with that – did all the creepy gnomes get stolen and go on trips around the world. Strange.

And I don’t know what this ungodly trio is up to. “Welcome” to Hell maybe… Fuggin pagans.

Occasionally Mary likes to have some friends over over for a party.  Worship me!

If Mary’s owners really really love the Mom Jesus, they’ll build her a shelter…

Or a whole friggin house (I think this one is heated)...

Mary can be found frolicking through the garden on one street…

While she might be all but abandoned in another neighborhood...

‘Merica...Fuck you!

All these photographs were taken well within a mile from my home. As soon as I crossed certain natural barriers leading to more affluent homes the icons and lawn art were quickly replaced with very well maintained shrubbery. Thus I have concluded that all wealthy people are heathens and are going to hell. Rich people make the Jesus sad...

But like the Catholic religion itself, the future of these religious icons are in doubt. I imagine that when one of these houses goes under the knife for a total makeover little Miss Mary is the first thing to hit the bottom of a rented dumpster. It’s sad to think about how many Mary’s have been lost to hipsters and their pagan ways in places like Somerville and Brooklyn – lost forever to the landfills... 

Jesus be with you (and for the record, I’m a Unitarian).  

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